


Best Kept Secret

by orphan_account



Category: All Time Low
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 20:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6299647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was barely known to most, just a secret they kept between each other, not that they necessarily wanted to keep it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Kept Secret

Keeping their relationship secret would never have been Jack and Alex’s first choice. Hell, they’d be screaming their love for each other from the rooftops if they were given the opportunity. But being public figures that could easily receive a mass amount of scrutiny, it seemed best to act like they were just close friends that could easily be affectionate with each other.

Not that their relationship was completely hidden, their band and crew knew about the more than platonic relationship between the two. It was kind of hard to keep it a secret on a small bus, especially when alcohol fuelled their systems. Despite the positive reaction, that didn’t make that two announce their love to the world. The secret was unknown not just to multiple other friends but kept from their families too. Despite crossing the line between best friends and lovers when they were still teenagers, giving their relationship a good ten years, the sheer fear of telling either of their parents was always a massive one. Their parents were very loving and they were close with their own and the other’s but even the most loving parents can recoil over the fact their son is in love with another man; even if that man if their son’s best friend.

It could get difficult to hide it, their mothers asking about their love lives or the incessant questions of when they would find a nice girl to settle down with. It used to be easy to shrug off the question, simply stating they wanted to focus on the band. Of course, it was getting harder and harder to avoid, fingers getting pointed at Rian and how he was able to sustain a relationship despite he and Cassadee both busy with their respective careers. 

They knew they couldn’t hide the secret forever; in reality it was impossible. They both wanted a real future with the other, maybe not the most domesticated life – it wasn’t exactly them if either were being honest – but at least a ring on both their fingers promising they’d love each other for the rest of their lives. For most of their relationship they felt that day would never come, that any two men or two women having the opportunity to make that vow was far out of reach. Of course, Maryland allowed such couples that opportunity a mere two years ago. They could go right up to the court house and get married if they wanted to. 

Despite the widespread increase in acceptance around the country over the course of their relationship they still never felt totally comfortable to come right out and say it. Both felt slightly selfish, knowing that not going public about their relationship was a let down to their fans going through what they felt, and proclaiming that they were in love and that it was okay, would help a lot of people. Or would’ve helped those that got to self acceptance before they did, whether it was through the help of another person or getting themselves there with their own strong will. 

Maybe it was time to be like them and just come right out and say it. Maybe it wouldn’t be a shock to their friends. They were two guys who lived together and hadn’t had girlfriends since they were seventeen. Their parents were a whole other horror story that could wait until another time. Jack wanted to tell his siblings before their parents though, always being someone who was close to his siblings. The thought of that made Alex rub the three initials along his rose tattoo, the thought in his mind how his brother would’ve felt about his brother being in love with a man. Jack had always assured him that he would’ve still loved him. While they could never be sure, it made Alex feel better which was Jack’s only intention.

“So how should we break the news to them?” Alex asked, the ‘them’ being their friends. They were all meeting at Rockwell that night, just for a fun time that had no reason behind it. Of course, it could easily unofficially turn into a coming out celebration. The bar was closed to just them that night, so nothing could leak and the fans found out before their families did. 

“We could stand on the bar and make out?” Jack suggested, his tone in that joking tone Alex loved.

“Helpful, babe.” Alex muttered, rubbing his thumb across his initial tattoo again. Jack watched the action and stepped forward, separating Alex hands, intertwining them in his instead.

“Is your anxiety bad?” Jack asked. That was something about Alex that always worried Jack, ever since Alex would run off stage because his anxiety was so bad, leaving Jack able to do nothing but stall until he calmed down. 

“Jack, we’ve kept this from them for so long.” Alex said, not meeting Jack’s eye. “What if they freak out? What if they hate us?”

“They’re not going to hate us.” Jack said, taking hold of Alex’s chin so he’d meet his eye. “At worst we’re going to get playful teasing. They’re gonna be happy for us, babe. And if they’re not we’ve got Rian, Zack, and the crew. You know, they guys that have kept this secret almost ten years.” 

As he said this, the hand holding Alex’s left hand was rubbing his palm, hoping it’d at least calm down Alex a little. It seemed to work, because Alex smiled at him, leaning over to kiss him.

“How do you always know how to calm me down?” he mumbled against his lips. 

“I consider it to be the only thing I’m really good at.

…

Proving Jack’s point, the whole coming out went well. All their friends were one hundred per cent accepting and even threw in some playful teases, mostly things like ‘that was a secret?’ Although, when they found out about a bet predicting when they would come out, they decided to just laugh it off because they both had to admit it was pretty funny. They couldn’t find too much reason to care about the trivial stuff mostly because they could finally be a couple in front of their friend and that night they didn’t need to worry about fans or parents, they could kiss without looking over their shoulder, making sure no one could catch them with a camera phone. They had to keep reminding themselves that they didn’t have to worry about anyone judging them for doing anything remotely couple-like.

The night quickly came to an end. Even with the positive reaction of their friends, the fact they still had to tell their parents lingered in the air between them. They were able to make the excuse to put it off until Jack’s sister came to visit from New York, Jack having a preference to tell both of his siblings in person.

That time wouldn’t come around for a few more months, leaving time for one tour and too much free time. They knew the time would fly by but they ignored that, instead enjoying the tour and each other’s company. But those months flew by and Jack was picking May up from the airport, driving back to Alex and Jack’s house. Joe was coming over that day, it was officially going to be out there that day.

“You seem tense.” May observed, glancing at him as he drove. She no doubt saw his white knuckles as he gripped the steering while, as opposed to his usual one hand on the steering wheel as he sat back comfortably. 

“Tense?” he asked.

“I don’t know, is something on your mind?” she asked. 

“No.” he replied, trying to relax his body. Of course there was something on his mind, it had been on his mind for years. Today was the day it was real, that there was no running back. Joe was already coming over and Alex was out of the house, Jack wanting to do it on his own. He wasn’t sure how he was going to bring it up, Joe thought he was only coming to see May. He had a few hours until Alex got back and if things went well Joe and May would probably tackle him in hugs. 

“Okay…” she said. “So, any lucky lady in your life?”

He realised he should’ve seen a question like that coming. May was the type of sister that could be described as overbearing. She meant well and just wanted Jack to be happy but questions like that stung. It felt like she expected him to be something he couldn’t and being with Alex would let her down. 

“No.” He simply replied, slight hostility in his tone.

“Jack… is there something you want to tell me?” 

Jack fell silent. Maybe he should tell her now, just get it out there. But the thought made him feel sick. He felt like he needed to prepare himself before he told them. But May could definitely sense how tense he was.

“May… I’m uh… I’m…” he swallowed the lump in his throat. May was silent, waiting for Jack to finish his sentence. 

“I’m gay and Alex and I are together.” He got out quickly. There, it was in the air and there was no going back now.

“Really?” May asked. Jack nodded slowly, keeping his eyes on the road. “Well it’s okay.”

“It is?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it?” Jack felt his body finally relax. She was okay with it. Of course she was. “How long have you and Alex been together.”

“Ten years.” He answered with a small chuckle.

“Well that explains a lot.” She said. “Does Joe know?”

“No, I was planning to tell you guys together. Today actually.”

She nodded. “Why didn’t you tell us though?”

“We were too scared.” Jack admitted. “So we just kept it from most people.”

“But ten years? That’s a really long time.” 

“Sorry.” He said. 

“I think I kind of knew. Maybe not entirely that you and Alex are together but I think I’ve known you were gay since you were little.”

“Really?” Jack laughed in disbelief. “How?”

“Sister intuition.” She shrugged. “But it’s so great you and Alex are together!” she grinned. “I’d always thought you’d be good together.”

“Remind me to hug you when we get to my place.”

…

Jack broke the news to Joe when he was barely inside of the house. As he had hoped, he was fine with it and practically tackled his younger brother in a hug, and both of them giving Alex one when he got home. Any anxiety Alex had earlier seemed to disappear and he was relieved to see May and Joe’s reactions. 

Of course both his siblings asked him when he and Alex would tell their parents. They avoided the question, the idea still too nerve wracking. Deep down they knew why it was so hard to tell their parents; unlike their friends who grew up in the more accepting generation their parents grew up in the opposite. Alex’s parents had their strong Christian beliefs and grew up when being gay was still illegal. Jack’s own not too different, Lebanon only abolishing it as a crime a mere few years ago. While they had never heard their parents say anything directly against gay people there was still no positivity. So their fears just wouldn’t decrease, no matter how positive their friend’s reactions were. 

May had gone back home to New York so Alex and Jack were home alone. They hadn’t talked about telling their parents but they knew it was about time they did. It was exhausting not being out at this point. Not only with their parents but trying to avoid anyone seeing them sneaking a kiss was tiring. Even on tours with other bands was hard because while many were their friends there’s no way to tell if they would seize the opportunity to out the two men. So any closeness they craved was left for the tour bus and their hotel room. 

“We have to tell them.” Jack said idly, running his fingers through Alex’s hair as he was settled between his legs, his back rested comfortably against Jack’s chest while the movie they were watching played. 

“I know.” Alex replied. 

“Do you wanna do it together or…”

“I think we should do this on our own.” Alex mumbled. 

Jack kissed the crook of Alex’s neck. “Mhm.”

“If it doesn’t go well, promise me we’ll be okay.” Alex said softly.

“Don’t think like that.” 

“But if it doesn’t go well…”

“I will love you just the same.” Jack assured. “No matter how bad or good their reactions.”

Alex smiled, satisfied with his answer. He let his body relax, whatever anxiety he still had forgotten about for the moment. 

…

“You seem tense, honey.” Isobel observed her son as she set her plate in front of him, who was sitting stiffly in his seat. Alex made the excuse of wanting to see his parents, leading his mom to make a home cooked dinner like she did throughout his childhood. He promised Jack he would tell them, just like Jack was doing that same night. He just had to get the words out at the right time. 

“No, I’m fine.” He said, trying to relax his muscles. He had to stop looking so nervous, his parents would definitely pick up something was on his mind. 

Isobel sat down next to Peter and eyed her son. “Okay, honey.” She said. “I’m glad you decided to come over, it’s been a while since you’ve had dinner here.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, it’s been a while.” He replied, taking a bite of his food.

“It’s probably a lot better than the food you usually eat.” Peter joked. 

“I do cook at home, dad.” Alex replied.

“For both you and Jack?” Isobel asked, raising her brow.

“Yeah, only because if he tried cooking he’d probably burn the house down.” Alex joked. He didn’t actually mind cooking for the two of them. And Jack always did the dishes so it was a fair trade.

“You two have been living together for a while.” Isobel said. 

“Well he is my best friend.” 

“I know but when are you going to find a nice girl to settle down with?”

Any tension he was able to release came back into his body. The question always got him like this but this time he couldn’t avoid it. He had to tell them now.

“Well, I am actually in a relationship.” He finally said.

Isobel’s face lit up. “Really? What’s her name? What’s she like? How did you meet? How long have you been together?”

A lump formed in his throat. It was a reminder they were expecting him to be with a girl, to live a life where he married a girl and had kids. It really would crush them, but there was no turning back now.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath, keeping his eyes on his food. “It’s Jack.” He finally said. “Me and Jack are together…” he trailed off waiting for their reactions, only to be met with silence.

“Alex,” Peter finally spoke. Alex looked up to meet his eye and instead of being met with any positive reaction, there was anger. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he growled. 

His eyes shot to Isobel and it killed him when he saw the disappointment in her eyes. 

“We’re dating, boyfriends, happy… in love.” He could feel the tears building up in his eyes as he spoke. 

“How long?” Isobel asked softly.

“Ten years.” He admitted. 

“So let me get this fucking straight.” Peter interjected. “Instead of dating women, you and Jack have been… been _this_? And you’ve been _lying_ to us about it.”

Alex opened his mouth to speak but no words were coming out. All his fears were coming true right in front of him. 

“I should’ve known.” Isobel said softly. “You two were always unusually close. What teenage boys had sleepovers where they slept in the same bed?”

“It hasn’t been since then mom.” Alex said. Although feelings did start around that time it would still be a few years until they would even kiss for the first time.

“But _ten years_?” Peter growled. “I am _not_ having a faggot for a son.”

Alex took a deep breath, holding back his tears. “Well you do. And if you can’t accept that I’m happy then fucking deal with it.”

He was met with a cold glare in response from his father. “Get the fuck out of my house then.”

Alex looked at his mom and she was making no effort to make him stay.

“Fine.”

…

Jack would never describe himself as an anxious guy, in fact he was quite the opposite. Part of what made his and Alex’s relationship work is that he could always keep him up while Alex added a sense of seriousness. 

Tonight however, he was on edge. He’d been trying to stay calm around Alex for his sake but going in alone was terrifying. He’d always been the type of person that was close with his parents but it felt like this would destroy the good relationship they had. 

On a more positive note, he was able to hide his nerves while he sat at the table with his parents. 

“It was so great seeing May again.” Joyce smiled, while taking a bite of her dinner. 

“I agree; we barely see her since she moved to New York.” Bassam agreed. 

“It was sweet of you to let her stay at your house, Jack.” Joyce said, looking at Jack. 

Jack nodded, swallowing the food in his mouth. “Yeah, it was good to see her.”

“So, are you and Alex still living together?” Bassam asked.

Jack nodded. “Yeah.”

“When are you going to meet a nice girl to live with instead?” Joyce asked. 

Jack took a deep breath “Uh, no neither of us has interest in doing that.” He said, his anxiety coming out.

“Oh come on.” Joyce said. “You both should find nice girls. I’m sure you both can find nice girls while off tours.”

Jack held back a sigh. “No I mean… uh… we have no interest because we’re together.”

His parents’ expressions immediately changed, Joyce’s changing to one of shock and disappointment and Bassam of equal shock but anger too. 

“What did you fucking say?” Bassam growled as Joyce was mumbling something in Arabic. 

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know why he said that, but he almost felt like he had to. The looks on their faces held so much disappointment that it just slipped out. 

“You are _not_ a fucking shaz.” His father growled, Jack grimacing at his choice of word. For some reason, his father using his native language to spit at him hurt more. 

“Well what if I am?” Jack asked.

“Then you can get the fuck out of this house.”

Jack stared at him for a moment. “You can’t actually be serious?”

“Are you serious about you and Alex?”

“…I love him.”

“Then get the fuck out of this house.”

Jack’s eyes went to his mom. Her head was down but he could see the disappointment written across her face.

With a sigh and trying to not burst into tears, he left.

…

When Jack got home he was met with Alex curled up on the couch, blanket thrown over him, quiet sobs coming from him.

“Babe?” he asked, quickly going to his side, moving the blanket aside. “Are you okay?”

“No.” he replied. “They hate me, Jack.” 

Jack frowned at him, and sat himself on the couch, moving Alex’s head to his lap. 

“My dad called me a faggot and my mom couldn’t even look at me.” He continued. “They basically disowned me.”

Jack ran his fingers through Alex’s hair, trying his hardest to calm him down. 

“How’d yours take it?” he asked.

“About as well as yours.” Jack said softly. “My dad called me a shaz.”

“A what?” Alex sniffled.

“Basically Arabic for ‘faggot.’” Jack explained. “Guess he wanted an extra sting.”

“What are we going to do?” Alex mumbled.

“I guess we’ll just have to wait for them to come around.”

“And if they don’t?”

“Then it’s their problem.”

They made their way back to their room, which was the point when Jack broke down. The effort of trying to stay strong for Alex had failed and he needed Alex to hold him just as much as Alex needed him to.

…

“Do you think fans will react as bad as our parents?” Alex asked Jack the next morning over breakfast.

“What? Disown us?” 

“Like send us hateful tweets. Or stop listening to the band. Or call us faggots.”

Jack sighed. “Lex, there’s going to be people who hate us that will do that anyway. Who cares?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that it’s so much.”

“I know, babe.”

“I guess that’s what we get for hiding this for ten years.”

“At least it didn’t make us hate each other or anything.” Jack smiled.

“I guess that’s the best thing out of it.” Alex sighed. 

They were silent for a few moments, quietly eating their food. But then a thought came to Jack. He looked over at Alex, speaking those words. “Do you wanna get married?”

Alex chocked on his orange juice and looked at his boyfriend. “What?”

“Do you wanna get married? Like right now.”

Alex stared at him. “Elope? You want to _elope_.” Alex asked, still processing the suggestion.

“Alex, I’ve wanted to marry you for years, even before we could.” Jack said. “At this point I don’t care about the coming out thing or our parents or anything. I just want to marry you.”

“So you’re suggesting that we go down to the courthouse and just do it?”

“Neither of us have really wanted a big wedding, right? So lets just jump to the marriage part.”

Alex sat there for a few moments, processing the suggestion. They can so easily just go sign a paper and be bound as one at that moment. He’d wanted to marry Jack for years and here he was suggesting they do it. Despite the horror of their parents’ reactions, despite not being out to the fans. He just wanted them to be married. 

“Let’s do it.” He grinned.

…

After they got home with the signed papers and newly bought wedding bands – and consummated the marriage – they both simply sent out a tweet that read they were married. Predictably, there was a confused reaction, and they weren’t even believed until they posted a photo of their marriage licence. In between the calls from their friends expressing their surprise they got a lot of tweets from fans that were shocked but happy for the two. Maybe happy was a bit of an understatement but it was a mostly positive reaction. 

Their friends from other bands sent them supportive tweets, especially the queer ones stating that they partially knew, and mostly joke tweets from Mark stating light heartedly he was offended this was kept from him. Classic Mark, really. 

They weren’t sure if their parents had heard the news or if they had talked to each other about their sons’ relationship. They hadn’t called to tell their parents the news, their reactions made it clear that they wouldn’t want to hear from either of them while still in their relationship. Learning about their marriage would no doubt make the situation worse.

They decided to forget about It for the time being. They were happy to just finally be married and to finally be out of the suffocating closet. They couldn’t control how people reacted anymore than how they felt about each other. 

They were married now and the secret was out and they were okay with that, even if others weren’t.


End file.
